An Englishman (still) in a Thai village


Day 7 – Death to the foreigner!

I woke up especially early this morning as the mosquito’s were feasting heartily on me. Usually the fan would deter them but as it was only a mere 80 degrees Joy had turned it off?

Outside everyone had started to sing. What could it mean, free beer or death to the weird foreigner?

Later in the day I went for a stroll and as usual was followed by a small battalion of children. I would turn round every now and again, screw my face up and run at them growling. They would flee like chickens but after a few minuets return to taunt me yet again.

During an afternoon jaunt I noticed something moving at the side of the road and homed in to investigate. Sweet baby James it was a huge black scorpion! I wobbled closer to it only to have it rear up in an act of completely unnecessary aggression. Sod that I said to myself and backed off. It made my skin crawl just to look at it.

Unusually I didn’t have my camera with me. So you will just have to take my word for it.

How could anyone live up here with things like that wandering aimlessly around?

Day 8 – Chicken attack!

Its funny looking at the youngsters walking around Thailand with T-shirts on emblazoned with slogans like, Playboy, Megadeath, and I’m a dirty bad girl. They have no idea what any of them mean.jungle+thailand

In a fit of god knows what, I wander outside and stupidly involve myself in a game of ‘Thai keepie uppie’ with the kids. Within 5 minuets I was completely soaked in sweat. Back inside and shower again.

I wander outside and sit down to write my diary. A small baby looks up at me and gurgles, an adult swiftly walks over and gives it a whack on the backside. At the same time a chicken decides to peck me on the toe, I let out an involuntary yelp and stand up, the adult whacks the kid again, as if it’s their fault.

I decide its better to stay out of sight for the time being and retire gracefully to my shack.
18:00, veggies, rice, 2 large beers and then to bed.

Day 9 – Two good poo’s

My trousers are becoming noticeably looser due to the fact i’m eating a lot less food!

Very quiet today as its Monday and all the small folk have gone to school. I may go to the local market today, then again I may not?

I generally have two good poo’s in the morning and can not venture out until this has been accomplished or serious trouble will occur. Due to the hot food in Thailand. When I feel the need I’d better take heed!

Ventured into Surin about noon and did some shopping. Its also a good time to break up some large notes as you can’t spend them in the village. The local shop keepers just give you a sort of pained ‘you must be joking’ look. Having a thousand bart note out here in the boondocks is akin to having no money at all.

Day 10 – Weeeeing and whaaaaing

Up early as some very loud Thai music was being played somewhere nearby. All bangs, bells, and lots of weeeeing and whaaaaing. Apparently it’s some sort of big Buddha day tomorrow.
chilli- thailand
It’s strange that these poor farmers don’t have much money for food or clothes, but feel the need to spend what is obviously an inordinate amount of cash on a sound system that has enough power to fill an arena!
Saw Joy hanging out the washing and saunter over to give her a hand. This lasted about one minute as apparently I was using the wrong hangers or something? They all looked the same to me?

I wander over to one of the village men, who immediately looks horrified. I ask in my most articulate English if he thought the current fiscal problems would soon resolve itself? He promptly ran away, giving me worried looks over his shoulder as he went. Ha ha ha.

Day 11 – School sports day

On arrival all the kids were formed into lines. Drums and bells were then struck with alarming regularity and all the kids started marching around, many of them in the wrong direction. Teachers ran from under sun covers and rounded them up, beating them as they went. This went on for about an hour after which the serious business of the races began. After a few were run, Joy sat bolt upright and said go go go. Go where I asked, go there!

I had been given the honour of presenting some of the medals to the race winners. I strode purposfully toward the winners podium. Each child was to be given a small medal attached to a ribbon. Gold for first, silver for second and bronze for third. I thought the medals were just bits of paper, but later found out that they each contained a small ammount of money. Gold having the highest ammount and Bronze the least.

The looks of pure terror on the kids faces as I approached them was so comical I had to laugh, this had the effect of making them look even more terrified. I thought one small girl looked near to fainting as I lowered the medal over her head!

Day 12 – I’m the idiot!

There is a local Thai man who is obviously a bit simple. He just wanders around laughing to himself and staring at people. It suddenly occured to me that that was my usual modus operandi. Ergo I am the village idiot!

Heading back through Bangkok to Hua Hin today and I have to say that I will really miss it here. Its so peaceful, but having lived in London all my life I would find it really hard to adjust to a Thai farmers way of life.

Thai village life (part 1)




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